Posted by pupil | Posted in King Smith | Posted on 22-06-2012
Tags: Millie hodge
I was there standing in the haunted house i finnaly shut the door i was locked in. In the house all there was were ripped furniture. there was just enought to see the blood red footprints. As i walked up the dustey and creekey stairs. Right at the top was a gun. just as i was about to pick the gun up i heard a scream!!! The noise was terifing but i still had to explore the house. There was loads more to see. Then i walked into the bedroom. There was blood all over the bed. Then , i suddenly ran.
It is very scary it had lots of details. You got 1 or 2 spellings wrong
Hi Mia and Jasmin its Millie thank you for my comment.
Hi Millie,
Lots of great description and very frightening. Even though it was scary I’d like to know what would happen next.
Try and remember that sentences should begin with a capital letter.
Keep up the writing as you have a wonderful imagination.
Its Millie thank you very much i will try use capital letters.
What a fantastic start to a story Millie! You have given a very descriptive introduction to your story. Try to proof read your work to check for any ways you can improve it. Keep writing!
Miss Sandiford
Hi its Millie thank you for my comment.
Great job i like the end love it.
Hiya it’s Millie
thanks very much for the comment my favoriate part of the story was the end.
Thanks again for your comment Caity.
Its Millie thanks for all the comments so far please carry on commenting!!!
Hello Millie,
It would be very eerie to walk into such a house and see blood red footprints. You would have to be very brave to keep looking around such a house. I think I would have run much sooner than you.
I can see Liza Goddard from Team 100WC has already visited your haunted story and made some great suggestions to help your writing.
@RossMannell (Team100WC)
Teacher, NSW, Australia
Hi its millie thank you for your coment